Sunday, February 11, 2007

Mom never told me there'd be days like this.


Waking up next to naked in a sterile room with a guy that you recognize as the county coroner, and he has his hands on your balls. Just what is the proper etiquette for this one, Miss Manners?

It's a small town. The county coroner also pulls a regular shift at the hospital emergency room. (At least he's not the town mortician, now that would REALLY be a conflict of interest.)

Turns out that I have kidney stones. That, as of this typing, I haven't passed yet.

24 hours or so ago I thought I was going to die. An hour or so after that I was afraid I was never going to die.

Now, every woman I've come into contact with has said the same thing: "They say that passing a kidney stone is as close as a man can come to experiencing the pain of childbirth." Up until now I was convinced that women were the smarter side of the species. Now I'm thinking that may well be a load of crap.

There's not a guy on the planet that would intentionally go through this pain , ever. Any woman willing to go through this kind of excruciating pain a second time (third, fourth!!!) is far too insane to be allowed to breed.

While I'm waiting for this miniscule (millimeters in size, I'm told) "stone" to pass, they have me on some of the most wonderful drugs. I'm thinking that, if I can continue to tell them that I haven't passed the stone yet, I can keep myself in la-la land until after the next election. (George who???)


CruiserMel said...

Oh geez, Williebee. Must be awful. My dad had several attacks of kidney stones through his life, too. He'd get soooo sick from just the pain.

Hope it all "passes" soon. (Sorry, couldn't resist the pun.)

Dezdmona said...

Ouch! That sounds awful.

I thought they had lasers to blast those little suckers into oblivion these days rather than forcing you to pass them.

I guess it depends on the size of the stone(s) you have.

Hope your feeling better soon.
Remember, this too shall pass.

KP said...

This is why I have ONE child. They say you forget the pain. You don't. My son is 13. Would I do it again? Hell to the no.

Do you get to keep the little cuties in a jar after they "pass"?

mist1 said...

Don't you get to have a sonic bath or anything?

Williebee said...

My thanks to all, for you kind thoughts. It passed, all by it's little lonesome. No lasers, no sonic bath. (But no roto-rooter with a snakey tube, either.)

I trapped the bugger and they sent it off to the lab. Where it will probably grow and breed friends to come back for revenge. I'm going to sleep so well tonite.

Anonymous said...

If your Mother hadn't been willing to go through this a second time--Guess where you'd be!!
Besides you were born in La La Land !
(If I had read your blog sooner, I could have sent you a dirty get-well card)